I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
