I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
whose parrot is this?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
