evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
