I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
