On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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