mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
