TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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