Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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