Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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