I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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