I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
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For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You can't just leave with hair like that
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
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And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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