you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
