this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
