is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Even my vagina gasped.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
