Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
