I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
