the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
