I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
