like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
