Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
