my phone needs a breathalizer
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
