My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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