he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
