If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
So here I am, sexting at work.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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