The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
