She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
