This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
