Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
