My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
