its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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