it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
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Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
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The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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