Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
