thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize