porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
