when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize