how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
