Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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