Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
