remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
