Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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