my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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