yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
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