i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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