At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
