the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
