Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
