How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
