Someone shit on the floor
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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