You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
