I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
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you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
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Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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