I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
