dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
