No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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