who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
