i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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