I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
