My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
