I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
