I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I supernannyed him into submission
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
