i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
