just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
